a letter

parts of the answer to my friend's email. I'm trying to encourage myself too...
Don't know what kind of life is a real life to let you chase your dream and making it come true. ....Pang Huang....

It's good to know what you don't like if you have only 2 choice. But it is not very helpful if you have hundreds of choices and you only know one that you don't like. Please, please take some time try to think and find what you like. Which means doing more investigation and talk to more people, try to get an understanding of different careers that people might have. Thousands of careers exist in the world, it worth sometime to find out. I'm sure you will find what you like. Ha, then you will become an career consultant, maybe I'll also consult from you sometime :) jUst kidding.... :P

So before you decide you don't want to do PhD, try to figure out at least what you are going to do? Or what kind of half - one year experience you want to have. It is not very good if you just quit the PhD and then just spend a period think what are you going to do. Well, it's fine that you just spend this whole period traveling and reading. But for me, that's very luxcious plan. Maybe I'm a little bit realistic but I do not feel like to have a blank period on my resume.


Thanks for your encouragement, yes,let's get it done. One more week to go.
As you know, I'm slow in everything, so ... just give some time, but I'm doing it little by little. Hopefully, more close to my dream. Master study here, let me choose my area in Natural Language Processing(NLP). I come to the most interdisciplinary field of computing Science. You could see that I am trying to change a little bit. NLP is hard though, especially on the pure computing algorithm side. I'm more interested in its application side, how it can be used to solve a real problem, if it is on education, that'll be perfect. So I want to continue study definitely, but not on the computing science side. I'm now a little bit pressurus , since the PhD is really a chance for me to change my area and direction. I hope I can get offers from a good area. I will do all the applications like what I have done 2 years ago again, to see if I can change something.
I don't have the courage to change totally, so I'll still try to apply what I've learned to change my career little by little. You know, I need to make a living first , I need to survive in the society. It sounds pressurus , but it's a real world for me. I have to stand up by myself. Bad effect is : this make me not a beauty but a geek. :(

But You are different from me, you have him. You might be able to lead a more nice life and don't have too much pressure. But doing something you enjoy. You can discuss with Zhaoyi, if you want to try some, then try it.

Especially when you are doing phD, you are in the university, you have the chance to go to library and read different subjects, talk to different people in different area. In the university, it's just a chance to let you grow, then you will be more competent in the future, no matter what you are going to do. That's also a very important reason for me to continue study. I need more time to get ready to really do something.
But another opinion is also right: you can always learn fast from society. Maybe you are that type people that learn from society. Then quit your study and find a job or something else.

All in all, the important thing is learning and investigation, keep your mind open. Because that can make you closer to your dream.

get this right from my friend right after I wrote this letter .... proud of her

理想- -

一直在追索自己到底想要什么样的人生，
想知道自己到底爱干什么，适合干什么，
不希望自己一直只是因为世俗的目光而做的选择。
人生已经是倒计时，
我怎能忍心让自己的生命还在空虚中度过。
想做一个决定，
一个不再被父母所骄傲的决定，
可是，我不知道我自己有没有破茧的决心和勇气。
曾经看不懂《生命中不能承受之轻》，
但是现在可以有一点点理解了。
很多人想要生活得轻松，
可是，那必然意味着这种生命的浅薄。
每一瓶红酒都来自破碎的葡萄，
每一份生命都产自母亲痛苦的分娩。
生命中不能承受之轻！
理想，很多现代人嗤之以鼻的一个名词，
可是，我相信并且深以此为荣。
我必须在最后的底线里做出决定，
并且不再后悔。